Howl at the Moon

I have recently been traveling around Iraq with a middle aged man suffering from weird digestion problems, and fermentation of the brain (a condition I felt the need to invent for this special case). I have never been around someone that burps, farts, wheezes, hiccups, snorts, and generally makes noises of discomfort so frequently. Obviously, ailments such as these make it hard for others like myself to sleep soundly. What’s even more nauseating is when the man isn’t sleeping he devotes his time to worthless conversation, and incessant psycho-babble. However, one of my goals in life is to be a supreme optimist. After careful consideration I have decided this man, who will remain unnamed, has given me deep insight into the animal kingdom, and I, the optimist, could not be more grateful for his donation of knowledge so kindly granted to me. After all, it is not often that our human spirits are likely to feel closely akin to that of the bear, the wolf, or the whale. I will however explain to you why I admire, or now understand more clearly some of the actions of our pea brained friends that rule the forest and the sea.

First off, the brown bear, Ursus arctos, usually lives its life as an individual except for a few weeks out of the year when it devotes a large amount of time to mating. It also eats voraciously to store up large amounts of fat to maintain health during its sixth month winter fiesta. How can you not admire the genius of a creature that surrenders itself to six months of peace? The brown bear puts up with all the bull-crap he/she can take, and then succumbs to a nap for half a year. I think if I were furry I would do the same. However, the human skin was not meant to go through the same type of drastic growth that Mr. Ursus arctos can endure. Can you imagine waking up after six months in a pile of skin folds and not being able to escape? Nevertheless, one must admire the bear’s unique outlook on dealing with stress.

The pilot whale, or Globicephala macrorhynchus is one of the aquatic mammals found beached the most especially along the Eastern cost of the United States. It is very sad that any great beast of the sea should find itself in such a hairy predicament, but I have discovered the cause. These animals have within their lengthy lifespan encountered many other creatures of the sea with displeasing bellows, hi pitched squeals, and low frequency moans. As a solution to this the ever present audible unrest that they are forced to endure they have hastily decided to become land dwellers in search of greater peace. Unfortunatley, only their courage survives the pilgrimage to a better habitat. I can’t really blame them for trying, and my heart goes out to all that went so far but couldn’t go any further.

Ahhh…. The animal I find myself a brother to, the animal who truly inspired the blues, I introduce you to Canis lupus, the Timberwolf, Eric Clapton with a cold wet nose, and a soft jacket. When times get tough the old timberwolf finds a place to be alone, plants his rear end on a nice surface, cocks his head back, and howls at the moon. This helps the bloodthirsty dog to release the negative energy he harbors deep within the soul. Not only is this artistic but it is a statesman like characteristic. The wolf doesn’t run or escape from the problems that weigh heavy on his heart, he merely expresses himself honestly, and in a fashion his peers can understand. The lone ranger of the animal kingdom is the timberwolf, and he greaves with fashion and beauty teaching us all a lesson that we must learn… And that my friends is what I have just completed. – The End

When are Stem Cells ok to Use?

I guess I am a little ignorant about the whole moral dilemma of using stem cells. It seems to me that all kinds of great research happens, and there are many positive results that come from the research.

A recent article shows that human stem cells help to repair severed spinal cords in mice. If this can be done, then why all the fuss?

I really believe that something of monumental proportions such as this needs to be considered as morally "good". Two people do not need to conceive a child in order to obtain stem cells, and no one is going to die trying to get them.

I am a Republican, and a Christian. My belief is that fear in this case is stifling a major breakthrough. Religious zealots back in the day didn't want to admit the Earth was round. We forgot most of their names, but we remember Galileo and Aristotle. My final conclusion is when history is recorded, some will have a sinister label and regarded as religiously backward. However; I think people who believe in God should be at the forefront of technology and progress. The Earth, and all living creatures were given to us and entrusted to our care so why not use what we have to it's full potential?

You Won't Find Me Monkeying Around

A recent article from National Geographic claims that human DNA is 96 percent similar to that of the chimpanzee.

"Despite the similarities in human and chimp genomes, the scientists
identified some 40 million differences among the three billion DNA
molecules, or nucleotides, in each genome." - National Geographic Magazine

I'm not a scientist, and to be honest I'm really not that smart in the first place, but I find this a little hard to swallow. Just think about the 40 million extra hairs a chimp has, or the last time you made breakfast with your feet. In fact, I can think of other human beings that I couldn't possibly share 4% of anything with. --haha

Something else that really perplexes me is that 3 billion divided by 40 million is 75. So where in the heck does the number 96 come from?

The last time I remember reading about the mapping of the human genome, all we could really do was map, and sometimes we could make sense out of where we were. The big problem is that we do not fully understand how differences in one strand of DNA effect the rest. So how in world do you claim that we are 96 percent similar?

I love animals, and I believe they deserve decency and respect because they are created by God just like me, but I also think they taste good. I don't think I'd have any problem eating a chimp with the right kind of sauces available. Would you eat it even if it said "96% LIKE ME", on the outside of the box?

I think there are too many people trying to erase the line between people and animals, and they are trying a little too hard. The article also claims that Charles Darwin didn't say enough when he said we were descended from chimps. But then again, Charles Darwin also claimed the the fossil record would have more intermediate specimens than it would of existing animals if his theory were true. So where are all the bones man? Where is my cousin Chimper Hogan? I haven't seen him layin around lately. I know according to the book gurus we have a massive family tree, but ask them to arrange it in chronological order and it doesn't make much sense all of the sudden.

My question to all you smart people is, How the heck does this prove that I came from a chimpanzee?

Has anybody been to a big city lately, taken a drive, flown across an ocean, built a house, turned on a laptop, or orbited the moon? None of these things were accomplished by being 96% human, and that monkey that went to space didn't get there herself.

I guess it just kind of bothers me that science tries to play connect the dots with our lives. I don't have any problem with being descended from an ape, but I just want someone to actually prove it. To me it's like the Ancient Egyptians telling people that they die and become a star. "Look it's Orion's Belt.... ooow". They had to connect a lot of dots to make people believe that too. The dots make sense when there are lines drawn between them. But don't forget someone has to draw the line themselves to make the picture come alive.